When a node sends a join request to the master, only send back the response after it has been added to the master cluster state and published.
This will fix the rare cases where today, a join request can return, and the master, since its under load, have not yet added the node to its cluster state, and the node that joined will start a fault detect against the master, failing since its not part of the cluster state.
Since now the join request is longer, also increase the join request timeout default.
closes#6480
Using ping.timeout, which defaults to 3s, to use as a timeout value on the join request a node makes to the master once its discovered can be too small, specifically when there is a large cluster state involved (and by definition, all the buffers and such on the nio layer will be "cold"). Introduce a dedicated join.timeout setting, that by default is 10x the ping.timeout (so 30s by default).
closes#6342